Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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