I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
