I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize