I wish my penis had an off switch
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
