So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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