I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
