and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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