I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
