Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
