I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
