I feel like abortions should bother me more
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
