So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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