My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
