I'm gonna have a badass scar
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
