Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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