im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
