Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize