I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
