guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
