Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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