maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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