if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
