It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
