sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Never underestimate the power of titties
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize