You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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