Nicole vs. Life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
