She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
