I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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