Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
