I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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