Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
