you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
