I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
