i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize