So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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