Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
