Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
