dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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