Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
