When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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