im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
