I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
