I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
