Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
