I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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