i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
