Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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