Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
