He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
