I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize