He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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