you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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