i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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