so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize