I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
