Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dick very happy bro
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
