my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my shit smells like andre
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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