you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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