from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
