Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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