I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
