i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
