No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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