sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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