i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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