Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
pop tarts are not kleenex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
