She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
