It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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