Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
