This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
