Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
