the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sober January is a disaster.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
