I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize