I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
