You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
