At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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