Life is so much better after having sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
