I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a beard to bite.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
