I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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