my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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