My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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