i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
