my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
