I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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