I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
