So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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