whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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