can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
