Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They took my balls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize