How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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