you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
