How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
