guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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