There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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