Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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