Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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