Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
