I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
