I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize