How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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