that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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