I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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