We're facebook friends in real life
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
