The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
