yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
