When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
