physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
