I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize