i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
two words: eviction party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
