i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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