Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize