I think i sorta joined a cult last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
