Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
