That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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