Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
