Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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