I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How external is "for external use only"?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
