I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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