I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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