btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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