Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
