We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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