Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
