One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Randomize
