and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize